A doula can
provide comfort, support and guidance during pregnancy and labour and that
extra boost of confidence you need after your baby is born. The cost? About
$750. Or you can buy a really great designer handbag - a handbag that can also
provide comfort and support (it would carry all you r stuff, right?). And, not
unlike a doula, your fancy new purse can give you an extra boost of postpartum
confidence when you are walking around in your stretchy pants, not quite able
to fit into your pre-pregnancy jeans (as people will be looking at your awesome
bag instead of your post-baby muffin top). The cost? About the same.
Two years ago I would have told you that the doula is the way to go, no matter how nice the bag. The first time I gave birth my husband and I engaged the services of a doula. It seemed only logical given how apprehensive my husband was at the thought of seeing our beautiful child burst out of my body. And she was fantastic- calmly guiding my husband through my labour and convincing me that pushing was the ONLY way to get the baby out when I refused to do so after learning that it was too late for an epidural. She helped me with nursing and our son’s first bath and showed me how to use our carriers. She was such an invaluable resource that we called her immediately after the 18-week ultrasound to book her for baby 2. And when we learned that she would not be available for our baby’s birth, we hired the woman she recommended after one meeting-- no references necessary.
Thirty-six weeks into my pregnancy my very conservative OB suggested that we induce around 38 weeks. Not sure what to do, I called the doula for advice. And then I called her again. And again. It took so many tries for her to return my phone call that I started to worry about what would happen when I was actually in labour.
When she finally called back I could tell that she did not think the induction was a good idea, telling me that my baby was obviously a tough baby and didn’t need to be born early (what?). She also told me that the best (and only real) way to know what to do was to lie down in a dark room and ask my baby whether she was ready to come out. Now I am not a medical professional (okay, I haven’t taken science since high school), but from what I understand, most babies are not super-keen on coming out (hence all the pushing). I also feel like it is probably hard to communicate with one’s unborn child about such issues, no matter how dim the lighting.
Once the induction process was underway we called the doula from the hospital to give her a status report at which time she reminded us that we didn’t have to go through with the induction (super helpful). She also told us to call back in a couple of hours because she was one hundred percent (!) sure that I was going to have a baby that night. But I didn’t have a baby that night. Or the next day. So when we finally called her after twenty-six hours of contractions to tell her that my water had broken and that I was in active labour, we thought that she would be almost as excited as us to get this baby out. As it turned out, she was more excited about her supper, which she told us that she was just sitting down to and would need to finish before she got ready to come meet us. My designer bag on the other hand would have been at the hospital with me as soon as I needed it, radiating beauty while holding precious things.
When she finally did arrive, I wished that she hadn’t. Her advice was annoying (No. I don’t want a bath) and often contrary to what the (amazing) labour and delivery nurse was suggesting. And as the evening progressed her questions went from irritating (are you sure you don’t want a bath?) to downright annoying (are you going to eat this sandwich?)(I gave her the sandwich but was tempted to do so on the condition that she eat it somewhere else).
Around 2 a.m. my husband decided to take a nap, which I fully supported. I was less supportive of the doula’s nap owing to the fact that I was paying her to, well, not nap. Also, I feel like the least she could have done was ask if I minded. That being said, my biggest regret was waking her up when it was time to push four hours later. If I had to do it again I would have let her sleep. In fact, I would have had everyone whisper while I pushed on the chance that she might wake up.
It will not come as a surprise to learn that her post-partum support has been less than stellar, though happily I remember most things from the last time I did this. I guess the thing with a handbag is that you know what you are paying for when you buy it. A doula on the other hand, requires a little more research as she -unlike a handbag- is not returnable.
*An edited version of this piece was first published by b5media www.mommyish.com.
