Only once have I kept a new year’s resolution but I had to make the same resolution two years in a row for it to stick. That said, because most resolutions fail and because I did manage to keep flossing long past the one year mark, I do feel like a little bit of an expert on resolution making.
While it is advisable to stick to a very small list of resolutions, I, being a resolution expert (ask my dentist if you don’t believe me), have compiled a longer list for myself.
Sheri's List of Resolutions:
- Eat less candy
- Buy less candy
- Don’t feel obligated to eat all candy that was previously bought
- Eat less chocolate
- Buy less chocolate
- Don’t feel obligated to eat all chocolate that was previously bought
- Make new and exciting meals for my family on a regular basis
- Try not to get upset when family hates new and exciting meals that I have made for them
- Stop buying every hair product on the market that promises a silky sheen
- Be willing to throw out all previously purchased hair products that do not provide silky sheen promised on the package
- Show husband that I appreciate him every day (because I do)
- Pretend that I think husband is right about something every day (because he would totally fall for that)
- Stop swearing behind the wheel (because my children will not believe that “mother trucker” is a term of affection for fellow drivers indefinitely)
- Try to do at least .4 percent of the things I pin on Pinterest.
- Blog at least once a week
I realize that this is a very ambitious list, but that’s just the kind of person I am.
*UPDATE*
The new year is about happiness (which is why people say happy new year) and happiness is very strongly tied to self-esteem. This is why it is very important not to set oneself up for failure by setting unattainable goals. As such, here is my slightly revised list:
Sheri's List of Resolutions:
- Do not miss any episodes of Grey’s Anatomy
- Try to finish all chocolate and candy in the house in anticipation of next year’s resolution
- Blog sometime
(Happy new year!)
We moved last week. This has been a journey in self-discovery similar to what I imagine Anaïs Nin, Thoreau, Pi and Britney went through. The following are my revelations.
Things I’ve learned about myself while unpacking:
1. I am under the impression that chain belts are going to come back in style. Also shiny spandex running pants.
2. I had no idea whatsoever that the VHS tape might one day be obsolete
3. If you and I ever dated, I probably have a pair of your socks
4. I apparently thought that labelling computer disks was for suckers
5. I have enough slightly used hair products and gifts-with-purchase lipsticks to open a specialty store
6. I have an unconscious desire to start a business refurbishing old Bic pens
7. I will eat chocolate that is older than both of my children.
8. I have never worn anything I’ve bought at H&M
9. If we are friends, there is 67% chance that I have a signed and sealed birthday card for you that I forgot to mail
10. I have a tough time throwing things out
When one of my Facebook friends announced her pregnancy on Facebook, among the usual congratulations in the comments section was a piece of advice from a friend of hers advising her to potty train her older child as soon as possible before the arrival of the new baby. Because I don’t know that commenter (commentator?) and because I haven’t seen the aforementioned Facebook friend anywhere other than Cyberspace in 20 years (when we were both 4), I decided not to get into it with her friend, but I have been thinking about a way to get the message across that this is a terrible, terrible idea ever since. Obviously my only choice was to write a blog post (I wish there were a way to send private messages over the interweb-- someone should really invent that).
Potty training is not the hard part. Anyone who tells you it is has not finished potty training and/or has a kid who still wears pull-ups (or one of those really smart but hard-to-train cats). I wish someone had warned me ten months ago when I made the fateful decision to throw out all of Benji’s diapers that having a potty trained toddler or preschooler is a lifestyle choice. So as a favour to my Facebook friend and to any other parent who has not yet made the terrible mistake of introducing their child to the toilet, here is a handy list of things I wish someone had told me.
1. You will never again be able to make plans that don’t involve stopping at multiple public bathrooms.
2. You will need to find clean, reliable, stroller-accessible public restrooms near the park, public pool and halfway between your house and anywhere you plan to go in the stroller. Or the car.
3. Every sink will be too high and automatic toilets are the most terrifying things ever. Stay away from those.
4. You will never again make it to the front of a very long line-up. You will make it most of the way and then there will be a bathroom emergency thus forcing you to leave your spot. Forget Toys R Us the week before Christmas. It will never, ever happen.
5. You will spend much time kibitzing on the bathroom floor in the middle of the night as your child will soon learn that while you will say no to providing middle-the-night entertainment, you are willing to hang out indefinitely when nature is (allegedly) calling.
6. The minute you sit down to any meal, nature will call. Usually twice. Three times if you are in a busy food court.
7. Same goes for car trips and haircuts if you are foolish enough to bring your child to one of those.
8. The only thing that could possibly make having a potty trained preschooler less convenient, is having a potty trained preschooler and a baby.
9. Seeing you nurse your baby is always a sign to your older child that it's time to use the bathroom.
10. You will be faced with the choice of whether to put your younger child on the floor of a public bathroom or force your toddler to wipe his own behind.
11. You will spend a great deal of time breastfeeding in public bathrooms while waiting for your older child to do his business (should you still to choose to leave the house). One day you will continue to breastfeed while pulling up your older child’s pants and washing his hands. You will not care that other people are staring.
12. There is nothing more appealing to a young child than the sanitary napkin disposal.
13. Once your younger child is old enough to stand or walk, he will use this newfound freedom to crawl under the stall door. Because who wouldn’t really?
So what’s my advice? Wait. Wait until your preschooler is old enough to get onto the toilet, do his own wiping and reach the sink. If you have two kids, wait until your baby is old enough to stand up nicely while you attend to child 1. Maybe you can just potty train both of them together. Or if you wait long enough maybe they will train themselves--or better-- eachother.
