Chocolate as a Food Group

I eat a lot of chocolate. So much that if you asked me on any given day how much junk or candy I’d consumed, I would likely lie to you. It wouldn’t be one of those calculated lies you see so much of on 90210 (um, so I’ve heard), but rather it would be an unintentional lie of omission. 

I don’t count chocolate cupcakes as junk as long as they are called muffins (they can’t have any icing)(obviously). Fudgsicles count as a serving of milk as does hot chocolate, frozen yogurt and chocolate pudding (clearly). So basically if it’s not a candy bar, I can find a home for it in one of the four food groups recommended in Canada’s Food Guide to Healthy Eating. But, like the crack-addicted-movie-of-the-week-prostitute-who-gives-her-kid-up-for-adoption-gets-clean-and-spends-the-last-108-minutes-of-the-movie-in-a-custody-battle-trying-to-get-him-back, I want better for my son. I want him to be able to wait until after lunch to have his first chocolate bar of the day.* I want him to be able to walk through airport security without the foil in his pocket from a stray Hershey’s kiss setting off the alarm. I want him to be able to make friends at work without being influenced by who has the best candy jar on their desk. But I don’t know where to start and fear that it might be too late given that chocolate was the primary flavour he was exposed to in utero and through breast milk.

To be clear, every meal that my kid eats is homemade, balanced and organic. When I eat chocolate around him, I sneak eat it.** And, up until recently, I had him believing that if he was eating pumpernickel bread and I was eating a like- colored piece of cake, it was the same thing.  My mother did similar things with me, pushing raisins and apples while other kids got Wagon Wheels and Chips Ahoy. Clearly her system was an excellent one, given my very healthy and balanced approach to sweets as an adult.

That said, I understand why she did it. If one’s child loves fruit and vegetables and pumpernickel bread why taint his taste buds? It’s not child abuse to give one’s child broccoli for dessert if he likes the stuff, is it? But I worry – could I be addicted to chocolate because my mother took something that should be occasionally allowed and made it into something forbidden and therefore more desirable***? According to the dietician***** I consulted, yes. The occasional treat is better than no treat (or too many treats).

So, finally, a couple of weeks ago, I gave Mr. Baby a bite of a my chocolate muffin. He started laughing. Not smiling. Laughing.  And then he opened his sweet little mouth for another bite.

*Something I’ve been unable to do since we became Costco members

**A family tradition according to my mother who fed me nothing but “nature’s candy” until I was old enough to know better.

***She also took a similar approach to boys, which explains the icky man-whore**** I dated --and was so strangely attracted to-- when I was seventeen

****Icky man-whore, if you are reading this, sorry. But on a positive note, good job you for learning to read!

*****Yes, I went to see a dietician to ensure that I was feeding Mr B. all the right things. Being in charge of another person’s diet is stressful okay?