So if you didn’t know this already, preemptive unjinxing doesn’t work. At least not for me. From the day she was born my daughter was one of those babies who needed to be held constantly and who would express her dissatisfaction at being put down with a shrill, piercing scream.
By day four I was so exhausted that when my doula suggested that I try co-sleeping (something that I’d already dismissed as too dangerous and too granola for my liking), I actually listened. She showed me how to lie in such a way that I wouldn’t roll over onto the baby and so that she could nurse when she felt like it.
To say that it was relaxing would be a lie- I was sleeping with the light on, without blankets, on my side with my arm raised in a crazy Twister-esque pose which is supposed to make rolling over impossible. I would wake up with a sore arm and a sore hip, but I was waking up (read: I was actually sleeping!) This went on for two weeks.
During this time I tried to convince myself that co-sleeping was okay- safe- natural- but it was hard. When I finally got around to sifting through the package of papers that I’d been given while in hospital, I found one which set out in no uncertain terms that co-sleeping is never safe. This scared me enough to start transitioning Captain Cries-a-lot to her bassinet. Then, at our two-week appointment my pediatrician asked about my daughter’s sleep and I mentioned that I often had to put her into my own bed in order to get her to sleep at night. Now I might have read her wrong, but the doctor’s response (“if you keep doing that you will kill your baby”) leads me to believe that she is not a fan of co-sleeping. She then told me about an infant patient who died when his mother rolled over in her sleep. And no, the mom was apparently not drunk or high- just tired. Because this story knocked the wind out of me, I didn’t ask any more questions but I kind of wish that I had. Had the mother been taking all of the precautions that I had been? Were there other extenuating factors?
Last week there were a bunch of reports on a new infant sleep study being conducted by a nurse by the name of Jennifer Combs. Combs reviewed 45 infant deaths and found that because some infant sleep deaths had not been classified as such, the number of sleep-related infant deaths was 1 in 3, as opposed to 1 in 5 which is the standard number. She is now reviewing a much bigger sample and says that she is seeing the same 1 to 3 ratio.
According to Combs the two main causes of sleep-related infant deaths are accidental smothering with a blanket, pillow or other soft item and adults rolling on top of babies while sharing a bed. But the media reports covering the study made it all about co-sleeping - about how we should never co-sleep.
Now it seems to me (in my sleep-deprived mostly stupid state, please see above) that there are a few things wrong with the way this story has been reported by the media- the most obvious being that the story should not be mainly about co-sleeping, it should be about safe sleeping. It should be about keeping soft toys and pillows out of cribs and about putting babies to bed on their backs and-- yes-- it should be about helping those people who will co-sleep despite scare tactics to find a safe way to do it. In fact, I think that my pediatrician should be doing that too. So should the hospitals.
This is not to say that I think that co-sleeping is completely safe even when no booze or drugs are involved and every precaution has been taken because, like my pediatrician says, new parents are sometimes so exhausted they are basically drunk*. But I’m a crazy person - the minute that I hear that there is a modicum of risk to my child, I will stop whatever behaviour is in question, even where most rational people might not. I am my doctor’s target audience. But some people are going to co-sleep regardless and because of that I feel as though our medical community has an obligation to provide information about safe co-sleeping practices.
After seeing the pediatrician I started putting my daughter (now five weeks) in her bassinet at night and for naps and she has somewhat adjusted, but it has not been easy. There are times I want to cry with her. And, there are times in the early morning when because it’s light out, and because I know how to co-sleep safely, and because I don’t want to start the day so exhausted that I won’t be fit to take care of my children or drive safely or remember my husband’s name (or that I have a husband), I put her into bed with me. And we both sleep.
*As someone who is currently “drunk” I will use this opportunity to remind you that this post would be at least 40 percent more readable if I were sleeping at night.
Note: An edited version of this piece was originally published by
b5media www.mommyish.com
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